© Goddess Kwan Yin
all rights reserved
1. This is an interview, no matter how casual you think it is.
Be on the best possible behavior you can muster.
Be as polite as you possibly can.
Ask how she is today.
Ask if she is busy.
Proof read what you send first.
If you write via email, proofread it for mistakes and check the spelling too. Make a real letter with a greeting and a closing. Explain why you wish to serve her, specifically her. It would be really great if you enclosed a headshot photo.
In a private message, give her your total attention. Don't answer the phone, don't chat with others, don't brb (be right back), and be attentive. Read what she types carefully. Don't make her ask you something twice. I absolutely hate having to asks something twice. Don't ask a million questions, let her take the lead. Be patient for her answers.
2. Read her profile, blog, site, or discussion group, or whatever she shows on her profile first, BEFORE you contact her!
If you have to join the discussion group to check it out, then do it. You can always leave any group later. If you don't like the group~leave that Domme alone.
If it says to email her first, do it! I know that seems easy, but you guys don't ever do it, and it reflects badly on you, as if you cannot follow directions! Who wants a sub who can't follow directions! When you write via email, proofread and spellcheck it. Write a real letter with a greeting and a closing. Explain why you wish to serve her, specifically her.
Don't send her an unsolicited instant message if it says to email her! You can ask in an email if you can have a chat. It appears lazy if you don't do that? No one wants a lazy slave. Most of us just close unsolicited PMs.
If their profile says 'no profile~no chat', you better make one. If it says 'no D/s profile~no D/s chat', better make that kind.
If their profile says no _____ (fill in the blank with: hypnotic novices, married men, third world men, BDSM novices, women, certain ethnic groups, under 40 years old, etc.), don't bother the Domme if you are a _____, whatever it is. It doesn't matter if you think that isn't fair, you're only going to piss her off by trying to argue with her about it.
3. If you see a dominant you wish to speak to in a chatroom, ask in the chatroom if you can talk to them privately. If she says no, don't be surprised! Look and see if her profile lists an email, if it does use it to make a real introduction. Perhaps her site is a way to email her too, there are usually webmaster links at least. Be creative. Use your brain. Find a way.
4. Never say "I'll do everything you say" or "I'll do anything for you.” I used to know a Domme that would reply "send me your little finger", if you said this to her. I am compassionate to a point, but you are obviously LYING by saying this or insane, and showing it. No one on this planet is so stupid as to do anything I say. Don't pretend you will, it's total and utter bullshit, even if you don't realize it.
Please formulate what BDSM limits you have, if you have some experience BEFORE she asks. If you're a novice sub, try to formulate an idea of what you will not do (hard limits), or what you might do under some certain compelling circumstances, or what you might think you'd do if the Domme really wanted it (soft limits).
Some D/s limits include: no scat or toilet training (getting your head flushed, and or getting your head or face shit on), no blood, no marks, no needles, no cuckolding (where the Domme has other sex partners in front of you and makes you watch or do things with them), no relatives (like if the Domina makes you have sex with her sister or with your sister, etc.), no humiliation, no pain, no intoxicants, no homosexuality, no loaning out the sub, and more. Please think about yours, and write them down now.
5. Don't ask her any of these questions:
Can you TRY to hypnotize me? That's both insulting, because everyone can be hypnotized AND because we know what we're doing. That also requires that we say 'yes I can', even if we would rather vomit first. Then we have to take another 10 minutes to explain why we don't wish to. : )
Can I serve you? or Will you be my Domme?
Don't ask this if you just met the lady. Expect to be asked why you wish to serve specifically her. Any so-called dominant or top that says yes you can serve, when they just met you, is a fake Domme. No dominant in their right mind would say yes, because you need to establish a friendship and rapport with a Dominatrix. She must get to know you, and find that you suit her purposes and desires. Also this displays how needy you are, and how novice you are. Please don't appear lonely, needy or desperate, it is repulsive. With so many of you to choose from, of course we will eliminate you immediately for this mistake. Hopefully after reading this page and the link below, even the most novice should be done asking these totally absurd questions. Learn to ask if the position is filled instead.
Learn to say you wish to serve, and why, and why her or him.
6. Don't lie. We will know, we have special radar for this. I know you think it's not true, but it is SO true. Don't say you have "not much" experience if you have none. We know when you are lying. We know what you're going to say, in advance, now 99% of the time when you send us a message, anyway. You think you are unique perhaps, but beware.
There are 278 million hopeful male subs for each and every single solitary hypnotic Domme. You aren't THAT unique. There's at least a few subs that have already said the same exact things you are, and recently, maybe even this week or today.
7. Don't pretend you are just shooting the breeze with us if you are looking for a Mistress or a trance. Out with it! Be polite first, but say so! Don't talk to us for 3 hours 'getting to know us' before you say what's so. After we say 'no you can't serve us', you're likely to not ever speak to us again. That's right, believe it or not, subs show bad attitudes sometimes when we reject them, by having tantrums, being manipulative or argumentative, by being curt, or even rude in many ways too. We are sure not likely to ever be interested in those subs again. Finding the right D/s partner is time-consuming and difficult for all of us. Be a gentleman, have good manners even when you aren't getting what you want right now. The Domme you just pissed off today, might be looking for another new sub before you find even the first Domme. I can't tell you how many of these subs forget they ever even talked to you, and come back around, looking like fools, because we remember them.
8. Don't keep talking to the Domina until she gets rid of you, after a while, leave of your own accord. Respect her time, and politely excuse yourself! Also, you don't serve her yet, so don't ask her permission to leave until you do. At this point don't ask her to do any little dominant things for you. She doesn't even know you.
9. Don't be pushy. Aggressive subs (how's that for an oxymoron?) don't get anywhere, so chill out! Don't argue with her if she says she doesn't want you to serve her. Don't be pushy. Don't tell her why she should let you be her sub. Don't tell her about how unfair she is. Just say thanks and move along, or make an attempt to be her friend. Don't try to manipulate the Domina. She knows when you do this and believe me it is an instant turn-off! It won't happen and you will fail. You'll be immediately spotted for the S.S.S. you are (self serving sub, how's that for another oxymoron?), and your time with that Mistress is over. I cannot believe how many people call themselves sub, but are really pushy manipulators. We used to have another word for them S.A.M. (smart ass masochists), but I thing S.S.S. is even better! These are guys are bad sub material, and we know it.
10. Don't ever ask if you can add a female Dominant to your friends list before you talk to her. Why on earth would she ever say yes? People are already hounding her. Believe me she doesn't want more people who IM or PM her when she first shows herself. Because of this most Dommes never even show themselves. Do you wonder why we are hard to find for a chat? This is why.
11. Don't assume anything about this Domme.
Don't assume she wants to be called ANYTHING at all like Mistress, Ma'am, or M'Lady. ASK her how to address her, and use what she says she wishes to be called on the PROFILE, until you learn the answer.
Don't assume she wants to see your cock or your ass on your profile. Don't flash the Mistress.
Don't assume she wants to know how horny you are.
Don't assume she likes pornography, or that she is sleazy.
Don't assume she's a so-called proDomme.
Don't assume she doesn't care if you are married.
Don't assume she thinks you're cute just because most women have said they did. Don't be an egotist in any way, it's such a turn-off. Arrogance is such a turn-off!
Don't assume she cares if you are a millionaire, an attorney, a doctor, a kung fu expert, a senator, an athlete, a musician, or an actor, a trader on wallstreet, or whatever you may be.
Don't assume she wants to know that your cock is hard.
Don't assume she dominates men on cam, online, by phone. Make the assumption that she is a real life Domme and if you are fortunate she will treat you like a real life sub.
12. Know how to describe what your experience is succinctly if you have some, both with hypnosis and as a submissive.
13. Don't be lazy with the Domme, don't use single letters for whole words like "How r u?" If you're too lazy to type that right now, how lazy will you be when you try to serve? No one like a lazy slave.
This article was inspired by my response to Lady Julia's article:
How to meet a Domme: What do I say?
http://www.ladyjulia.net/0081.html
©2005 Goddess Kwan Yin
all rights reserved
goddess.quan.yin@gmail.com
